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Category Archives: Lessons, Lessons and More Lessons!
The Sounds of Freedom
Our weeks in San Clemente – our winter get-away from the Pacific Northwest rain – have again been the wonderful! We’ve done all of our favorite things, eaten at our favorite restaurants, spent time on the beach, visited with friends and relatives.
Tradition is that every year, we ride through Camp Pendleton. It’s an emotional experience for me. We pass about 40-50 young soldiers in uniform and with huge backpacks, running. Obviously they’re training for what is in their future. I know they’ll be as well-trained as possible for what they will possibly encounter, but I wonder - how can anyone ever be prepared…or comprehend?
I experience so many feelings that it’s almost impossible to identify all of them.
I feel pride – these young men and women are dedicated and committed.
I’m fearful. For them. I want to protect them. They are so young and they have put their lives in the hands of total strangers who will rule their lives, their minds, for this period of time in the Military. They have agreed…no, committed themselves to a cause. Did they think it over carefully? Did they have good counsel? I look at them and wonder what motivated them to sign the dotted line. I wonder if they’re at peace with their decision.
We watched a program on TV last night about the Military, a documentary. Statistics indicate that over 10,000 men and women in the Military have committed suicide! This loss of life is higher than combat casualties at this point. That is beyond tragic. My heart aches for all of these young people who felt so trapped, unhappy, fearful….whatever their feelings of hopelessness…so intensely that they would end their life! My heart aches for the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children, wives…all who loved them.
In the weeks that we’ve been here in San Clemente, three marines were killed in an auto accident a few miles away in Dana Point. The fourth man is in critical condition. Seven marines were killed in a mid air collision, some from the Camp. Another marine was shot by the police in San Clemente. That is under investigation. There is sadness and a pall over many here. These men and women are felt to be part of this community.
I feel excitement for the men and women who feel that this is their true calling…those who are happy with their decision…I’m happy for their adventure. I’m happy if they’re fulfilled in some deep way. And I know of some who feel that way.
Camp Pendleton is an enormous area. Enormous! It’s a city. A busy city. It includes 17 miles of coastline and extends inland for miles. We are in San Clemente, across the street from the north boundary of the Camp. The view across the road is beautiful, a panoramic view of hills, almost the size of mountains. It appears to be just another beautiful view. Until we hear, faintly and in the distance, revelry. During the day – and at night – we occasionally hear the whirring sound of helicopters on maneuver. We hear planes. And cannons. Sometimes so loud that they can be felt.
When I notice those sounds – the sounds of freedom, and the sights, I feel compassion for those that are caught in the actual, the reality. War. I just hate it! But I love these men and women.
I’m so grateful to them. And grateful to all who love them. I’m praying…
Let me be the change I want to see. Let peace begin with me.
Best Friends
I don’t often experience envy but I admit to this one…
There are some couples that just love each other – deeply and honestly. And I just love being with them. This is a rare experience for me but I’m fortunate to have two such couples in my life. One couple are former clients – RC and CC. We had an almost immediate connection when I picked them up at their hotel and over the years it has grown into a dear friendship. The other two are close relatives of my husband, GG, and her husband, DW.
I was single for almost 20 years and very ambivalent about remarrying – until I met RC and CC. I acknowledged to myself that I had often pictured marrying my true best friend – spending my retirement years traveling, laughing, reading, exercising, sharing. The more I got to know RC and CC, the more firm my resolution became to be open to a committed relationship. I saw that what I pictured could actually be a reality.
DW and GG, RC and CC, all live my dream. Of course, they have their issues and problems too, but there is an underlying friendship and respect that prevails. I spent some time with RC and CC a few weeks ago, and for the last few weeks, have been with DW and GG almost every day.
Being around all of them over the last month, I’m finding myself nurtured and renewed and in an effort to hold on to my feelings, I’m identifying words to express what I experience when I’m with them. For the most part, I find myself feeling comfort, joy, peace, hope and admiration.
I know about many of their struggles and triumphs, the heartaches and joys of their relationships. I’ve listened to their stories, shared some experiences with them. I know their lives have not been without pain, death of a child, infidelities, serious health issues, long separations while serving in the Military, the stresses of being married to an obstetrician/surgeon – experiences that have torn many couples apart. But they managed to reach the other side and become even closer. I’ve watched them handle differences with respect, acceptance, a lot of listening, and humor. They have a gentleness, even when they’re irritated with each other, have shown courage to let the other be unhappy or gritchy, sad or happy. They’re all individuals and seem to know their boundaries. And they respect those boundaries.
Some words I might use to describe what I see and feel between them is acceptance, loyalty, safety, generosity, comfort, admiration, respect, gentleness, a deep caring. A joy in being with each other. They are truly best friends. They express differences easily. They share some activities, tolerating others just because they prefer to spend time with each other and share a memory. They both have friends and outside activities but it’s clear that they prefer each other and their time together. They are present for each other. They have differences but have learned, over many years, how to express themselves respectfully. They know that absolutely their partner has their back. No matter what or who… And they have traditions – with their families but also between themselves. Little things. Some are daily rituals. DW brings coffee – every morning! – to GG in bed. He always pulls her car out of the garage and has it ready for her when she’s ready to leave. She rewards him with a lot of praise and admiration. Every time. Just like it’s the first time. She never seems to take him for granted. All four of them express abundant appreciation for their partners. Consistently. When I hear them criticize, when they’ve done something wrong, there’s still a sense in speech and attitude that they’re on that person’s side. I also know that they’ve hurt each other deeply at times and I’d really love to see how they handle it in private. Is it the same? They’ve all just said they try to stay respectful.
Both couples have been together since high school. They have told me that early years together were not without hurdles and huge adjustments – there were some very difficult times. Communicating well was not an easy thing to learn. They all feel that they worked very hard to create their present relationship. Part of it just evolved as their friendships grew over the years. They were deeply committed to being best friends and treating each other with respect. At times, their only expectation was – and is – that they protect their friendship as they would with any other dear friend.
I now realize that when I married, I had some pretty unrealistic expectations. You’d think that in the time it took to get all of this gray hair, I’d have learned more! My husband and I are in the early years of our relationship and I’m discovering that just because we are older – and more experienced in relationships – it doesn’t mean that we can bypass adjustments and difficult times. We both now have more tools to work with – and we use them a lot! We are still learning our life lessons. And that sometimes means double the lesson – we are there for each other while we get through our individual lessons as well. The single life was so much simpler in many ways – not as rewarding in other ways. I just believe that a relationship takes us places that we simply can’t get to on our own. And that’s where I want to be.
My husband and I have been together for almost five years, in our 70′s. I treasure our relationship and friendship. We came together with our pasts – our longest history and memories are with others. We just simply don’t have a lot of time left to create a long history together. No time to waste on wishing that I had what my friends have but it is a great goal. I’m busy working on getting as far as possible with that one…. And I will be gentle, appreciate, respect, be grateful.
I will be grateful for the time and progress we have – and will make in our relationship. We have some great role models. I want to be that for our children….
A Sentence… A Journey
I need it today – right now – a major attitude adjustment!
I woke up this morning full of frustration, wanting to blame (and that’s a joke – who would that be?), feeling sorry for myself.
No jumping in the car to run errands, drive up the gorge, meet friends and family!
No quick return trips upstairs to grab my earphones – and anything else that I forgot to bring down with me this morning
No running to the kitchen to grab a snack – now it’s a time-consuming, uncomfortable trip.
After only a few days of this Stay-Off-My -Broken-Foot sentence, I’ve gained even more compassion for those who are immobilized, or restrained – for any reason. I used to take an elderly woman for rides and errands and you can bet I’m going to again find someone that I can help. As soon as I can drive again.
Yes, I have crutches and use them when I have to move. Coordinated and comfortable with them yet? Not! After losing my balance a couple of times – fortunately catching myself with a wall, our bed… I’m not very confident about navigating. Especially when I’m by myself. But when I see this in writing, I hear “The Whisper” in my ear – how can you whine? At least you can move!
I woke up feeling very gritchy this morning. I keep telling myself… “It is what it is and, Grasshopper, you can choose whether you want to fight your circumstances or relax, accept and go with it”. Easier said than done!
Many times I enjoy an entire day writing, reading, playing computer games, being very sedentary. My recorder is full of my favorite shows. In fact I need to delete some so that I can record more! I even forget that many times I ignore what I need to do so that I can do the very things that I can now do! Unlimited time. No demands. But when I have limitations, I rebel.
Yes! Now I have time. Lots of it. My daughter reminded me that maybe this is God saying Stop! Take a rest, Sharon! (I might have said that to her a couple of times in the past:)
I just love blogging! My mood is shifting as I write. I can clearly see that it’s pretty easy to share my good moods, attitudes, observations. Not so easy to share the less positive me. It’s really no fun living with a negative me.
It’s magic – this writing! It’s raining outside. The fireplace is keeping me warm, physically and emotionally. I am kind of excited about feeling cozy, snuggling up and reading my Oprah Magazines (I have an entire year of unread O mags!) . I’ve been wanting to re-read “Death Comes To The Archbishop” by Willa Cather. I’ll watch a Netflix movie on my computer while my husband watches yet another golf game on TV (do they EVER get to the 18th hole?), I’ll sketch my next painting, I’ll meditate. I’ll eventually get upstairs and paint.
I’ll be grateful…Yes, I am!
Warning! Sidewalks Can Be Dangerous to Your Health!
Well I broke my foot. The tip of the fifth metatarsal and the displaced fractured piece is attached to a tendon. My doctor told me that it’s a “troublesome” fracture in that with any strain, if my heel-foot has any weight bearing, it is very likely that the tendon will pull the fragment loose and then I’ll need surgery. He told me that I can either stay off my foot completely – aaarghh – for a month, or if I take chances with it, it’s very likely that I’ll require surgery to place a pin and then I’ll be off my foot for 2+ months. Since they’d have to catch me first – for surgery – there’s not a lot to consider here…
This happened two days before we were leaving for a couple of months to escape the Pacific Northwest winter.
Ok. I’m very active, walk 10,000 steps – minimum – every day. Walking controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. It takes care of my excess energy and helps me sleep. It’s my time with my dog, Chloe. She sniffs. I think, listen and contemplate….
Now then…if everything happens for a reason – well, I’m waiting to find the reason for this one. I do get that there is a lesson in everything that we experience and I’m thinking I’m supposed to be learning…
Courage
- Postponing our trip….To make a decision from logic? What a concept! I had an impulsive, strong urge to take my chances and travel on crutches and deal with anything that might happen – wherever it might happen. ( A Whisper in my ear – Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 11) The whisper is saying – “any fool can see that you’re a klutz with the crutches and can see that there’s probably huge potential for another fall - at least at this point. And the whisper is loud. Mature decision? Me – who has almost always thought that maturity is usually overrated! But then I thought of food. I have to be able to move my bod if I want to eat what I want. Or take a pill. And I’ll do just about anything rather than take a blood sugar med! At least as long as I can manage another way. So I made up my mind… I’m trying this “mature” thing (as defined by my daughter and also my best friend…and the whisper). But I’m not totally convinced that maturity works for me – chuckle… Since when would that be?
- To change plans that involved disappointment and inconveniences for several others? Uhh….For a compliant (probably not my husband’s first thought when describing me:) – translated struggling to get thru this without my not-too-far-behind-me- people-pleasing-nature taking over; it took great fortitude to utter “I think I want to postpone our trip until I can enjoy myself too”.
Vulnerability
- I’m very independent. It’s very difficult to ask someone else to do something for me. Those around me are not used to my being very needy. Talk about ripple effect…. Lessons for all?
Change
- Over the months, I’ve learned to enjoy walking – out of necessity. But now it’s a habit that I truly enjoy. Then…I’ve detested weights, exercise classes, going to the gym. Now…The new no-weight-bearing me has discovered that I can use tubes (available and unused for years) while I’m sitting. I was shocked at my weak upper body muscles and how quickly they “burn”. Jane Fonda is whooting in my ears! I can see the sugar burning, courtesy of my glucometer. I can lie on my back and ride an imaginary bike. I am also amazed at these weakling thighs. I’m obviously using different muscles than walking requires! My blood sugar is under control – without a pill! My heart rate soars – quickly. And, I’m exercising my mind trying to think of new and effective ways to move so that my body feels exercised. Ahhhh…
Acceptance
- I can’t change or fix this one. I just have to wait for it to heal.
Patience
- A very big challenge. A definite work in progress! I repeat my prayer that I read somewhere years ago..”Please Lord! Give me Patience! Right now!”
One thing I know for sure…There’s no place like home. When I’m in pain or ill. Even if my bedroom, art studio and office are upstairs. Climbing stairs on hands and knees works for babies. It works for me too. And it makes me laugh.
I’m so thankful that it wasn’t worse – an ankle, knee, hip. Yikes – or neck!
I’m very grateful!
Handling Stress… Letters To My Children
Reblogged from SomeLettersToMyChildren.
Stress can take our joy away. It can make us sick, keep us from sleeping restfully. Stress can be a huge strain on relationships. It can even kill. And it causes many more symptoms as well – constant fatigue, fat gain around the abdomen, overeating because of low blood sugar episodes, inability to lose weight, feeling light-headed, body pain for no apparent reason, gut symptoms, irritable bowel, chest pain and rapid heartbeat, loss of sex drive, increased PMS or menopausal symptoms, allergic reactions, skin problems and sensitivities, acid reflux, frequent colds, flu and lowered immunity….it’s not fun!
There is much written about adrenal stress and cortisone – an anti-stress hormone. It’s worth reading about on the internet.
Some causes are physical – low blood sugar, chronic illness, late hours, jammed schedules, chronic pain, sleep deprivation, excessive exercise, excessive stimulants (to keep you going), eating a poor diet – too much sugars, especially sugar substitutes, processed foods, environmental toxins…
Other causes of stress can be constant worry, our inability to handle uncertainty, pessimism, trying to “do it all”, emotional trauma and ongoing strain, perfectionism, negative self talk, unrealistic expectations, lack of asserting ourselves, continual anger, pushing yourself when you know you need to rest…
We need to take personal responsibility for our health – physical and emotional. Taking medication for stress and depression is an interim solution but not a cure – should be used only when absolutely necessary while we are working on the real cause. I was the Queen of Stress and anxiety over this last year, (WAS – past tense, thank God!) and it caused so many problems that it got my full attention – physically, spiritually and emotionally. I’ve studied in detail. I’ve learned so much. So thought I’d pass on some things I’ve learned – some simple and healthy ways to deal with stress…
- Breathing exercises. Learning to breathe properly and consciously has been a miracle for me. Breathing can reduce stress, help maintain focus, increase energy, calm mind and body, and help with sleep. Exhaling completely is easy to learn – it will improve health. Take a deep breath through your nose, exhale naturally through your mouth - and then squeeze out a little more. It’s the old smell a rose – blow out a candle exercise. Do it regularly and it will become a body habit with time. Try to concentrate only on your breathing out – exhaling – and saying “relax” to yourself while you’re exhaling. Let go of all of your worries by breathing them out.
- Exercise – Morning is better but anytime works! Other than within four hours of bedtime – it may keep you from sleeping.
- Quit all stimulants – caffeine and any type of energy drink, chocolate and teas for starters.
- Diet is huge in managing stress. And it’s effects are nearly immediately – good and bad. Cut sugar and sugar substitutes, starches and processed foods out of your diet.
- Eat tons of fruit and veggies. 1/3 protein, 2/3 steamed veggies and fresh fruit that is in season.
- Stress and adrenal stress makes us crave salty foods. A signal?
- Always eat a healthy breakfast within an hour of getting up. It will give you energy, better brain function and help keep your blood sugar stable during the day. You can’t drive a car without gas and you can’t function efficiently without good nutritious food in your beautiful body!
- Eat something, a healthy snack, every three hours – every two hours if you’re really stressed. But keep them healthy. Remember – protein is brain food. If you’re craving sweets, eat some protein. It helps take away the craving. You don’t have to eat a lot when it’s nutritious – a good combination of lean or plant-based protein and healthy carbs. Consider a high nutrition-low calorie way of eating.
- Get rid of boxed, processed and man-made food! It’s toxic.
- Drink plenty of water – it cleans and detoxifies your body.
- Don’t eat late at night but a small protein-high fiber carb at night just before bedtime helps you fall asleep and keeps your blood sugar level stable throughout the night so that you don’t wake up. A few pumpkin seeds or a tablespoon of almond butter is a great bedtime snack – full of magnesium.
- Take a good whole food multivitamin every day.
- B-complex. B vitamins can help calm and balance your mood.
- Omega-3 (fish oil) supplement. Either from molecularly distilled fish oil or from krill. Omega-3 fatty acid deficiency has been associated with increased anxiety and depression.
- Valerian (Valeriana officinalis). An extract from the root of this flowering perennial contains essential oils that have been shown to help some people more effectively deal with stress. Don’t mix this with prescription drugs. Ask a pharmacist before you use any medication or mix medications – or herbs for that matter. Ask about the half-life of a medication that you’ve been taking to determine how long you need to be off of it before mixing with another herb or medication.
- Calcium and magnesium. These can help a lot with muscle relaxation and healthy sleep.
- Take vitamin supplements in the morning. They help wake-up your brain. Taking them too late in the day may keep you awake.
- Sleep Sleep Sleep – and I know this is a tuff one when you’re under a lot of stress. It takes a lot of meditation, planning and maybe sometimes a little help. I prefer herbal sleep aids – melatonin, valerian, hops, passion flower – there are many combinations available and pretty inexpensive. But don’t mix them with any other sleep medication and be sure to check with your pharmacist before you mix them with any medication that you’re taking.
- Pay attention to what you eat and drink at dinnertime and later. Avoid sodas (horrible! Anytime!), overeating, chocolate, tea, coffee, and excessive sugar and salt.
- Plan your evening carefully. Create a relaxing sleep routine. Think about how we put our babies to bed – we rub their backs, read them a book, turn down the lights. To this for yourself. We need a “turn-off” period so our brains know it’s time for sleep.
- You may be photosensitive so avoid working on a computer or looking at a bright cell phone before bedtime. Try setting an 8 pm limit on visual stimuli. Reading may or may not help you fall asleep.
- Make a To-Do List for the net day and then let it go. It will get done.
- Aim for 8 hours of sleep a night. Tell your body that it will sleep restfully and deeply for 8 hours. I’ve read where it’s very important to go to prepare to fall asleep before 10 pm, that sleep before 2 am is the most beneficial.
- Keep everything out of your bedroom that keeps you awake – TV, animals…
- Keep your room cool and uncluttered. Keep it clean, organized and the bed made daily.
- Make your bedroom your sleep retreat. Make it your haven. Don’t watch TV (especially the news), check email or eat in bed. Bed is for sleep. Don’t confuse yourself.
- Have a cup of chamomile tea at bedtime. (I know – I said no tea or coffee. But chamomile?….
- And take calcium and magnesium in the evening or at bedtime with your snack.
- Snuggle in bed. Close your eyes, consciously rest your mind and every part of your body. Breathe deeply. Meditate. There are great free and inexpensive apps for your phone to guide you thru relaxation.
- Put lavender in or around your pillow to help calm and relax you.
- Most importantly, start working on yourself. Start identifying problems and situations that cause stress in your life.
- Say no to at least as many things as you say yes to
- Don’t worry about other peoples’ problems – you have enough of your own.
- Exercise. It’s the only way to balance your brain and your body – a great way to “burn off your stress”
- Eat lean protein with every meal – preferably before you eat the carbs. No carb-only meals. Ever. Proteins build healthy brain chemicals.
- Manage your hormones. Get tested to see if you have too much estrogen in your body. It can be balanced. Small amounts of natural bio-identical hormones that perfectly match the body’s molecular structure make a huge difference!
- Get rid of the toxic people in your life. Surround yourself with more people who make you laugh and smile, who have positive energy, who help you be a better person.
- Brush off emotional baggage – literally. Therapeutic touch, energy fields – our entire body and world is energy. I read this and I like it…”If you have left a conversation, a meeting, or a negative encounter with anyone – even yourself; if an encounter leaves you feeling drained, irritable, angry, exhausted or totally wiped out, try this. Use your hand to brush your arms, legs, head and back as if you’re wiping them and removing a layer of bad emotional residue. Do it outside if you can and imagine yourself removing everything you no longer need – irritation, anger, bitterness, jealousy, sadness, fear, etc. And keep what you want – love, compassion, empathy, calmness and peace.”
- Shrug your shoulders. ”If you can’t get outside, or you want to switch the negative energy coming in, consider the simple act of shrugging your shoulders.” We carry emotional stress in our shoulders. So shrug them and tell yourself that you don’t need to carry resentment or other peoples’ problems. If you have to be around negative energy, when you leave, shrug your shoulders to symbolically remove the negativity when you leave their presence Don’t take it with you.
- Blow off your negative feelings, energy, emotions and irritability. Yep – that works too! Breathe deeply and exhale quickly and forcefully through your mouth. When you’re by yourself, make a loud sound – “ahhhh” – when you exhale. Try it daily after work or at the end of the day before bed. Visualize getting rid of or blowing out everything that is no longer serving you.
- Re-fuel. Make positive statements to yourself. Put affirmations on your phone reminders – every hour if you need them. I do. Make sticky notes and put them on your mirror. Make a positive statement and memorize it. Say it out loud. Every day. Flood your mind with positive thoughts. It it’s true that you are your thoughts, think what you can do with this one! You are in control of your destiny by changing your thoughts. Keep them positive even if you don’t believe them right now. Keep your eyes on what you want and where you want to be and you can’t help but get there.
- Schedule time for you. Do something that you just love to do as often as possible – where you lose track of time, forget to eat…. Find ways to help others – every day. It doesn’t have to be huge. Senseless acts of kindness…
- Remember how much you are cherished! My world lights up just thinking about you!
Lesson 12: Holding On to the Past
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes: Oprah says, “It’s not just letting go of the past, it’s all bigger than we can ever imagine.” We all want a better life. How do we get there?
Are we living in what could have, what should have, what we wished could have been? Living in the past is one of the biggest detriments.
Five sisters’ relationship went from a simple misunderstanding to a full scale war. The conflict was affecting the sisters emotionally, physically and spiritually. When we see defensiveness, that person is in pain and needs love and acceptance. It took a major tragedy – the loss of one sister’s son – to bring them to wake up. 18 years later the sisters reconciled. Jackie’s oldest son was dying of AIDS and a sister, Vicki took him in. In order for her to see her son, she had to be in Vicki’s home. The reconciliation had begun.
When we resort to name-calling, it means that we are out of control and we’re using that to bring more value to ourselves.
The only person we ever have any control over is ourselves. We have a choice in how we see the situation, or we can remove ourselves from the situation but we cannot change the other person.
Whatever energy we are carrying from the past, we carry into the future and that energy colors everything we do and experience. It blocks us from being all that we were meant to be.
Forgiving is necessary to let go of the past. It doesn’t mean that we say “it’s ok”. Forgiveness is acceptance, not approval.
All of life is about “waking up”.
When the Oprah Show first started talking about men having affairs, women in the audience were adament that they would never put up with it, they would leave. That attitude gradually changed over the next few years – in the 90′s. Oprah says that she has discovered that men don’t cheat because of someone who is more attractive, smarter or…. He cheats because of how another person makes him feel.
In 2008, Psychiatrist Gary Newman, found that men cheat because they feel underappreciated, unimportant, not admired. Men want to feel valued.
Unless the other man (or woman) completely understands and expresses remorse for what they have done, it’s very difficult for the betrayed person to get over it. Both parties need to sit down and talk about it openly. Give yourself permission to deal with the issue. It takes time to build trust again.
Not everyone can get over an affair. You need to decide for yourself if you can or can’t get over an affair. If you decide that you can – then really get over it. Deal with it and let it go. You have to deal with the past or it will continue to show up in your relationships, your health, in every aspect of your life. If you can’t get over the affair, then move on from the relationship. Don’t live in between. There needs to be emotional closure.
On losing a loved one…with Gary Zukav… Oprah says…It’s not just about letting go of the past. It’s about the ultimate lesson for us as human beings. I am not my body, I am not my circumstances, I am not what everything looks like. I really am a higher level of being and consciousness that is a soul. My personality is not my soul. My personality is here to serve my soul”.
We, our lives, are bigger than what it looks like.
A couple lost a new preterm baby, a twin. They were both born perfect but on the third day after their birth, Ryan had a brain bleed. He could not save the baby. The parents went into a tailspin, were having a difficult time not letting this tragedy take over in their lives.
Gary Zukav counsels -”Look at Ryan as a soul, like everyone on this earth, that left this earth when it chose, then you will have a different perspective. You will be able to see the gifts that this soul gave you during it’s short stay on this earth. You will reach a place in your life where you are grateful that this soul chose to be with you for however short a time. If you do not, you will live your life feeling that a tragedy has occurred. Whenever you see your other son growing up, you will say Ryan should be here. You will be placing a burden on your other son, the twin, because no matter what he does, what he accomplishes, he will be causing Mommy pain. If you look at Ryan as a great soul who voluntarily entered the earth school and voluntarily left it in, you will begin to fathom and appreciate the interaction that you had with that soul and you will be able to receive the gifts that this soul came to earth to give to you and your family. And if you do not, then you will continue to be turning away from those gifts. You will be denying the very wealth of wisdom and compassion that was offered to you by this soul. ” The soul is a great deal more than just a personality. Interact soul-to-soul. Recognize the power of the soul.
Many others were impacted by this story.
Oprah says that this story gives us a glimpse a notion that you are bigger than your body and your personality. Oprah called this a holy moment in the room that day. Oprah says it reminds her to stop and and think about her own soul and everyone around her, causes her to just for a moment to disconnect from the egos and personalities around her, and to recognize that it is all bigger than we can ever imagine.
“You are not your circumstances. You are a higher level of being and consciousness that is a soul.” If we think life is only what we can see, then we are missing the whole point.
Oprah encourages us…”When you lose somebody in the physical form, the formless becomes an angel that you know”.
“Life is much bigger than just a body. When you are grieving over the loss of a loved one…sense the presence of their soul, which is always with you, instead of the personality that is gone.”
Oprah quoting Iyanla Vanzant…”You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick you hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”
Oprah says…”The sooner we can let go of the past, the sooner we can get on with the “now”, our daily life. If we don’t let it go, it becomes a wall, a barrier, and it prevents us from the vibrancy, the aliveness, the glory that our life should be. “
Oprah’s Lifeclass
Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 12: Holding on to the past
Oprah’s Webcast Lesson 12: Holding on to the past
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes
Today’s Lifeclass Question
Wanting
I was driving down the street today and realized I was feeling very intense. And my posture was expressing my mental stance. I wasn’t speeding. I was just intense. Then I had an immediate “A HA Moment”. At almost 72 years of age (however feeling no more than 40 – at the most!) I had a moment of realization – that as a working adult, I have been used to getting what I want. If I wanted something, I just worked a little harder and got it. I was not necessarily discriminating in my wants. And these wants certainly have not always been for myself. Many times I want to do something for someone else, help someone else. Sometimes too much. This morning I was examining my intentions and motivators. This morning I had a moment of clarity about my long painful lesson and how grateful I am at this moment for what I’ve learned. It involves ego, self value, intentions, being conscious. How I’ve tried to fill emotional needs with material things. The old story. But now it’s very real to me.
I grew up with very little in the material way. Our basic needs were barely met. But we sisters had a lot of fun together and probably because we had very few toys, and of course no tv, became very creative and found innovative ways to entertain ourselves – built tree houses carpeted with lush moss. We collected empty cans and boxes to fill our imaginary cupboards. We usually had a couple of goats ( I still enjoy them if I don’t have to milk or smell them) and I spent a lot of time following them around and pulling limbs of huge oak trees within their reach – they loved eating the leaves. We strung laurel tree berries and created beautiful jewelry (to us) – necklaces and bracelets. We were very competitive – racing and checking to see who had picked the most blackberries and red clover for our Mom. She gave us a few cents for every quart we picked. It seemed like a lot of money then. Our family was large and money was very scarce. But we had a lot of fun during that time.
My A Ha moment led to thoughts about how I learned to be self-sufficient, creative and so very determined. There was a point that I remember – in junior high – when I spent much of my time in deep despair and intense “wanting”. To have things that my school mates had – carefree laughter, nice clothes, a watch, cafeteria lunches instead of homemade bread sandwiches – whole wheat! Oh no! Just when white bread was what everyone was eating. I so wanted to be like everyone else. And I wasn’t. I lived in “want”. I wanted to be different than I was. I wanted a family that was very close. I wanted to be close with my Mom – I wasn’t. She just wasn’t available. Neither was my Dad. They were in a relationship break-down that ended a few years later in divorce. A very painful and messy divorce. In a small town where everyone knew everyone else’s business. Not a fun time. It was an intense time and I formed some lifelong habits.
The wanting began to be a lifestyle for me. When I started working at age 14, I discovered that if I wanted something, I could get it. And that continued and escalated for most of my life. As an adult, I’ve always had a good job and above-average income. Eventually I started my own business and literally became a workaholic. I was lacking in the “relationship department”, to say the least – for many years. The wanting continued only I didn’t recognize it as “wanting”. I wanted me – and those closest to me – to have what they wanted. It was wanting and it was a habit. I just worked a little harder if I wanted to do a little more. I didn’t even get it – but the “wanting” was driving me. I was trying to keep up with the want habit and I was never enough and I never had enough. I didn’t think about that consciously – ever. It didn’t connect for me. I called it competing with myself to do better. But I drained myself and was always stressed and “behind”.
I retired a few years ago and my financial picture dramatically started changing shortly after that. The “A Ha” this morning was a recognition of what has been happening in my life for the last six years. I was being pushed into a lesson that I would never have jumped into by choice. It has been obvious and definite. This morning as I look back over the lesson years when I was feeling very humiliated and deprived, I realize that I had all that I needed – and more. I’m on the other side of this lesson – finally. And yes – I got it today. Clearly. I recognized that for most of my life, many things I thought were “needs” were actually “wants” and that I needed to learn the difference. I needed to learn my value (I’m still working on that one) without my props, my things, my kudos. I am enough. I say that to others. I need to listen to myself!
Today, I consciously realize how different my life is now – and why. During my involuntary lesson, I was forced to live with less and less, down to real basics – and I learned. It feels amazing to finally really be living the difference. With deep gratitude. I feel a whole new consciousness. These words don’t begin to define the impact of the reality in my life. And I can clearly see the difference today. And I’m grateful. I’ve almost always questioned myself when spending – do I “want” this or do I “need” this. But that very rarely had very much to do with my decision. Today I realized that now it does.
I’ve said the words for years – “as soon as I get something I want, something else will take it’s place. So just say no”. I’d tell myself no and then justify reasons for needing it. Woo Hoo! I now truly know the difference between wanting and needing. It’s a new lifestyle that I was forced into by circumstances, part of a lesson, but I’ve come to appreciate it - deeply. It’s been an incredibly difficult few years but today I realized how much I’ve grown and the joy that has come into my life. It’s exhilarating. Over the last few years, I’ve gotten rid of almost everything that I’m not actually using. It feels so good. I was carrying a heavy load of possessions and obligations, chaos and clutter! Quietly but intensely. “I don’t have a life” was my mantra for many years. I kept myself busy even after I retired, when I wasn’t actually doing something useful, I kept myself busy with stress and “mulling” and inner angst. Even in my successes, I felt a deep void. I felt that I didn’t do enough, that I wasn’t enough. Arrrrgh!
Today I realized that I also have a different view of the wants and needs of those that I’m able help. I really appreciate that. Whatever that compulsion was to help others get what they “want” is gone as well. Now I am free to help people that are in obvious need. And I feel free to declare that boundary. It’s such an awesome freedom. I look for the best use of the comparatively small amount that I have. I’m finally in control of my wants. Appearances, status, and ego are not my motivators. My Dad preached, “Be in control of your money. Don’t let your money be in control of you”. Material things do not fulfill my emotional needs. How many times have I heard and said that! And thought I understood….
Today I had a few moments of clarity, of remembering how my life used to be. And how it is now. Huge difference – in almost every way! I have a life! Even with much less, I have freedom! Wanting is no longer an unconscious habit. I feel content and relaxed. I have joy! My life is so full!
And I’m so very grateful!
Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 10: Joy Rising (Flash Mob)
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes:
Joy to me is a feeling of deep gratefulness. I can create joy by focusing on the many things I’m grateful for. When I watched Oprah’s South African Christmas for the children I felt intense joy so deeply that I was in tears. Happy and grateful tears. When you recognize that somebody cares enough about you to show you that you matter, you never forget it. It’s great to feel that joy but wow! the chance to give that feeling to someone else is beyond description! Like Oprah says, it can be the littlest things. Little things that make a huge difference. I feel that way about Kiva. Many small things I can do each day. I look for them.
And Jake too! He loves to perform and he’s a huge fan of Stevie Wonder. Oprah arranged for Jake to sing for her audience and surprises him when Stevie Wonder starts accompanying him. It gives me goosebumps every time I see it. And I watch it over and over. What fun! For everyone involved. We the audience. Stevie Wonder is obviously enjoying. Oprah is giddy with joy excitement. And Jake! I can’t even imagine that anything will top this in his life. At least in the department of surprises. He says it’s his dream come true. Love those dreams! And when they come true…well…how amazing is that! Joy!
Nancy Kay meets Tom Cruise – her dreams fulfilled.
The great thing about joy is that it’s so much fun, so satisfying, so fulfilling to share. It’s contagious. It brings laughter, smiles and tears.
Joy comes in all forms? Elie Wiesel is another guest. How to bring consciousness and joy to such a horrific tragedy?
Clementine won Oprah’s essay contest – Why is Elie Wiesel’s book, Night, relevant today. Clementine won the contest. She also lived thru the genocide in Rwanda. In just 100 days, 800,000 people were slaughtered. Men, women and children killed with machetes. Bodies dumped. Clementine was 6 ears old at the time. She and her sister escaped, believing that their entire family had been killed. They ended up in the US and for 12 years, had not seen their family. They searched diligently for their parents. They last saw their parents in 1994. In 2001, they discovered that their family was alive. At the time of the reunion on The Oprah Show, they had not seen their family for 12 years. Had brothers and sisters that they had never met. The reunion was “amazing grace” moment (Oprah’s description). I was so grateful that getting to share that moment, even on TV, well…. and Elie Wiesel was there and shared the moment. Raw, pure joy!
Followup on Clementine… She is attending Yale University. Her pencil-case is the only thing that she still has from Rwanda. It holds her Yale Class of 2013 flag. Her pencil-case is her touch of the past and a reminder that she has to be grateful, quiet and …to complete her school work. She visited and spoke at Oprah’s school in Africa – what an inspiration to the other children. Her story is pretty amazing.
If you can’t find anything to be happy about, to fill you with real joy. Close your eyes and consider for a moment your breath. You still have it. You’re here right now. Let that fill you up. And build from there. Allow yourself to feel, experience the joy.
An Oprah message.
Oprah’s Lifeclass
Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 10: Joy Rising (The Flash Mob)
Oprah’s Webcast Lesson 10: Joy Rising (The Flash Mob)
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes
Today’s Question
Acceptance
Today I am going to accept everything in my life – people, situations, and events. I know that everything in my life is just as it should be at this moment and I will not struggle. I accept – totally and completely. I am like water – flowing with life. I am still and grateful. I am listening and learning.


