My Son – My Prayer


Thanksgiving Day 2015

Rich is still with us and we have that and much more to be grateful for!  He’s having more issues, was in the hospital for 2 days but discharged and was seen at Compass Oncology yesterday.  His daughter and granddaughter arrive today to visit for a few days.  His sons and their families will be here December 3 and we’ll have our Christmas then.  The tree goes up today and we’re looking forward to a precious family day.

I hope that for all of you as well.

Thank you so much for all of your support, prayers, wonderful notes and for sharing the link. We appreciate all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Rich, Brooklyn and Silas

Rich, Brooklyn and Silas Please share this link – help make it go viral! Thank you! https://www.gofundme.com/RichardHart

After a sleepless night of praying, sending good energy and healing to my son, vacillating between shock, numbness, deep grief and yes, fear, I’m writing…my therapy and release.

I’ve read Michael Singer’s book, The Surrender Experience and trying to understand and put into practice what I’m learning.   I don’t want this extremely painful lesson in surrender.

For almost 9 years now, my 54-year-old son has been in unrelenting pain in his back and leg from an unfortunate accident when he was in his early 20’s and a back surgery that increased his problems rather  than helping.   He has been on some pretty heavy pain and anti-inflammatory drugs and for most of this time has tried to get off of them, unsuccessfully.

He’s lived 4 years of his greatest happiness – and reason to keep going – with his granddaughter, and a month ago, a precious little grandson, Silas.   Along with the joy of having Brooklyn in his life, he’s lived with the worst stress for the same four years because of an ongoing custody battle in a very corrupt and expensive court system.  It has taken its toll on every level of his life.

Two weeks ago, he called saying he had been in the Emergency Room with stroke symptoms, stroke being a side-effect of two of the medications he is on.    He had lost feeling in his entire right side, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.  Although he had lost sensation on his right side and the vision in one eye was blurred when he looked to the side, his pain increased.  He had tried to go off one of his meds and when he restarted it, the symptoms decreased somewhat but didn’t disappear.  The exact scenario repeated a week later with another trip to the ER.  CT and other tests ruled out stroke and he was again released.

Yesterday, he called and said he was going to the ER again for an MRI because the symptoms were getting worse.  He said not to worry, it was the same thing as before but his doctor said he needed to be checked. As the afternoon progressed,  I got a call from his son saying that a CT had shown a very large mass on the left lobe of his brain.  Hours later, he was told it is an inoperable brain tumor, fast growing.

My mantra is – where there’s a will there’s a way.  He lives in another State and I’ll be traveling to be with him.  Rationally I know it’s not possible for me to fix this one but my heart says I must try.  Our family first-line remedies are food and prayer.  I’ve prayed all night.  If I believe what I say I believe – every thought is a prayer, I feel the need to stay positive and send only good energy.  I want to jump in the car and drive but it would take longer to get there than to fly out tomorrow.  I can hardly wait to be with him, make bone broth and green veggie smoothies for him….fill him with organic greens, grass-fed meats, free range eggs….. and on the other hand, I almost cannot stand the thought of seeing him in fear, pain, and knowing that without a miracle, his beautiful soul will be shedding this battered body.  I am struggling…really struggling.

My mind says this is happening and I can choose how I want to be, so be grateful and joyful that I’ve had all of my years with him.  But right now I feel helpless and what in the world can I do to help him and whatever will I do without his phone calls and texts, his wonderful love notes…..my heart is aching.  I think of several close friends and family who have lost children, a 3-year-old niece included, and wonder how their families survived.

I’ve had emotional conversations with my husband, my two sisters and with my other son and daughter who live near me. My daughter and I talked into the late evening hours,  a wonderful conversation, making decisions about how we want to navigate our part in Rich’s journey.  If this is truly happening,  if we’re going to lose Rich, we want to respect and support him in his transition back to God, be joyful and grateful, loving and appreciative of having his important soul in our lives for all of these years.

Right now those are just words that we’re trying desperately to connect to and believe – and live.

Right now, I’m in anguish and resistance and look forward to some respite – some moments of feeling numb and not comprehending that this is really happening to my precious son.

I’m still hoping there has been a mistake and this is just a bad dream…..

Please pray for us…and all who are going thru this and worse.  Please send strength, guidance, peace and healing to all who are in need.

God, please help me know what to say and do, how to make it through this….I want to truly trust, be able to love and support him through his last adventure here on earth.  I held my son when he entered this world and I will be honored to hold him when he transitions.  Just like when he was a kid and got scrapes on his knees..I will hug him and tell him he is OK…all is well…you are loved deeply…We’re here with you, Son…God is with you.  We won’t forget you.  You’ll be so deeply missed.  I’m so blessed to have you in my life and you will continue to be for as long as I live.

Thank you, God, that we have your peace and your comforting presence throughout his transition.

Morning is finally here!  Somehow things seem a little easier with morning light.  For a few moments at least…

I’m sending this out in hopes that collective good energy in thoughts and prayers from so many will help during this time.  Thank you!!

 

11/6/15 Update

Seems like another life ago since my life was normal and it has only been about 3 weeks.  After a week with him in the Hospital, I brought he and  his wife home with me to Washington State and we’re on a new adventure.  He was diagnosed with Stage IV Glioblastoma multiformae.  We are still trying to comprehend the speed of this aggressive nasty cancer.   He’s being seen at OHSU in Portland, by a Naturopathic Oncologist and a Nutritionist in Texas, Nutritional Solutions, who specializes in brain tumors.  We’re doing all we can and very hopeful to prolong his life and make it best quality possible.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers and thoughts!

Sharon

Please share the link below – help make it go viral.  Thanks!

https://www.gofundme.com/RichardHart

 

11/16/15 Update

This is a precious time with my son.  He went to live with his father when he was early teens and I missed him so much.  We lived near each other and he was back and forth but I missed the constancy and the little things that happen each day.

Today while he was sleeping, I was sitting nearby and sending love and healing, visualizing the tumor being eaten away by big mouths, visualizing a healthy brain free of cancer, a healing light aimed at the tumor and shrinking it.

It brought back precious memories of when he was a sleeping baby, toddler, and seeing him in his little league baseball uniform.  He made the All-Star Team and really was a little star.  Visions rush through my mind.  I loved to smell his head, his neck, his pillow. I still do.

His right side is now useless and my husband, his wife and I help him up and down the stairs each day – he’s still able to make it.  His son, Calvin, was here for a few days to visit with him and it was difficult on Rich seeing him leave – and difficult for Calvin to leave his Dad.

FullSizeRender

Rich  had a very low energy day but we’re so grateful for today.  Thank all of you for your wonderful notes, prayers, healing thoughts and support.  Every day that we have him with us is a wonderful day!

 

 

 

 

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27 comments on “My Son – My Prayer

  1. debrakcox@comcast.net says:

    Sending much love, peace and Reiki to you, Rich and all your family! Your messages have brought me through some rough times, I hope my message will help you through yours. I have absolutely NO DOUBT you will get through this and be able to experienceLOVE and JOY at the knowing that all is as it should be. This is YOUR MOMENT to do your “Grateful Dance” for the time you have known the JOY of having Rich in your life and for the knowledge that you still have time to be with him and LOVE him and show him that his life and all our lives are precious. Remember to LIVE in each and EVERY MOMENT! No worries about what “may” be..focus on WHAT IS…the HERE and the NOW!!

    Blessings to you Dear One…Blessings to you all.

    Love, Debbie Cox

  2. Jenefer Ferguson says:

    My heart and my prayers go out to you, your son, your family and fiends. I send you love, hope and comfort.

    Jenefer Llewelyn Ferguson Sent from my iPad

    >

  3. Darcelle says:

    Praying for you and your family and sending lots of healing light.

  4. cristinapaixaolopes says:

    I do hope this message reaches you, since I have receive a message by wordpress saying the domain had expired.

    In the last six days I have been watching a docu-series called “The truth about cancer – a global quest”. The series focus on natural treatments for cancer, since the standard ones (chemo, radiation) are a real poison to the body and are not effective. It is easier if you check it personally. Unfortunately each episode (there are 9 of them) is aired for only 24 hours. But it is still going on and you can buy the whole series for a very low price (US$ 5,22 per episode). Do not discard this, for it may God answering your prayers for your son. Please check the link below and get in touch with Ty Bollinger. There are a number of cancer conquerors giving their testimonies on the effectiveness of natural cancer treatments – including brain cancer.

    Please check this: https://go2.thetruthaboutcancer.com/global-quest/episode-6/?a_aid=1604030

    I’m praying for you (I follow all your posts).

    Cristina Paixão Lopes (a Brazilian friend)

  5. Francine Schroeder says:

    I am sure that you and yours will find incredible moments of pure grace and overwhelming love in this journey. You will feel stronger when you reach your sons side. Sending love and light. ❤

  6. baa6 . says:

    Sending you SO much love, light and prayers. Your son, you and your family are in my thoughts.

    Just in case it would offer some peace to you, please consider calling Silent Unity Prayer 1-800-NOW-PRAY (669-7729). They have been so helpful when my family and I have experienced hardships. I’ve been calling on them since I was a teenager. Perhaps they will offer you some comfort and serenity.

    Your words touched me and I honor you and your love for your son, your faith and strength. We never know how long we have on this Earthly plane, but I know your son will be with you always, regardless.

    You are being lifted by the love of God and protected by the LIGHT.

    Blessings now and always,

    Blaine

  7. Concepcion says:

    Líght for you and your family

  8. Joseph says:

    I read about your son and I send you love and light. My prayer for you is that live and cherish the moment and resist from going in the future of whether he is going to transition. This moment is what you have, what we all have so live in it and enjoy the next and the next.
    Love and light to you

  9. Joyce says:

    Since I read your blog you have been in my thoughts and prayers daily. I have grown children also, and I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I pray for strength and peace for you and your family.

  10. Marcella says:

    I am with you, Sharon. I hope you have really a good time together.

  11. melbsd says:

    Hi Sharon,

    You don’t know me, but I feel I know you through your blog. I am grateful that you have posts on meditation from Oprah and I often look at your other posts too.

    I also like your inspiring artwork, it is so imaginative and has a lovely feel to it.

    Following your blog post, I see you and your family are going through a tough time right now.

    My best wishes to you and your family.

    Kind Regards

    Sue (from Melbourne, Australia)

  12. PJ Green says:

    Sharon,

    I’ve come to depend on your blog for your Oprah meditation notes (thank you so much!). I am so grateful to you for them. This was my first time reading about your family and I have come to realize that your work is far more than some transcripts. Your journey is so powerful and so honest. Thank you for bring so open and sharing your son’s story. I will pray for all of you and send light your way. Your son is surrounded by so much love and grace.

  13. Jeanne says:

    Dear Sharon,
    I read your blog, and am sending you and you family lots of good thoughts, prayers and best wishes.
    All the best,
    Jeanne

  14. […] in place after a few weeks of being upstairs in a bedroom.  We had become incapable of helping Rich navigate the stairs as he lost more use of his body so had moved first his bed, and then the […]

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